somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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