so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
