This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
