someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
