420 ftw
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
