but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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