How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just high enough for therapy.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
