I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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