Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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