ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize