omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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