You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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