I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
