I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
