Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
