East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
