I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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