I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
