I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
