i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
In America we eat man semen.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
