Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
you never un-have a 4some
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
