i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
