Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
