She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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