oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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