Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
