No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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