Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
