I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
