what day is it and did you see me today?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize