i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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