every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Never underestimate the power of titties
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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