Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I pour the whiskey from now on
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
