didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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