Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
