see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
