Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
