What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize