just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
my being single is dangerous.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
