You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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