The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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