Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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