I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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