Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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