he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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