Screwed.edu
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
