I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
