I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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