your room smells of hookers.
And success
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
