She just used a chaser for red wine.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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