Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
