I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
