So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
