At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
