I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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