Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
