I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just got carded by a ten year old.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
