ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Randomize
