dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize