physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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