Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize