you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
