it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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