Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
one might say we're banned from that church
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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