if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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