I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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