i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
