you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
