For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
