i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
