I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
