Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize