I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
