Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
