i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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