How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
