I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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