i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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