I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
