I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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