That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
