he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
