..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
