I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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