Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
