we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
