Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
