So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
