did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
