please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
