toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We named our party play list daddy issues
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
