if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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