so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize