her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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