Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
