In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Did I show you my penis last night?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
