You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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