Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I need water and some morals
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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