well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
